My First Binge Begins...

My bulimia began in my first year of high school. 

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Ever since I was little, I've always been a normal-weight, slightly skinny girl. 

That's why I've never experienced the stress of having to lose fat. 

Thinking back, I barely ate anything when I was in elementary school, and my parents were always worried about my skin and bone body. 

I even went to the emergency room for intestinal malrotation (bowel twisting) from starving for so long. 

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As I continued to have an almost non-existent appetite, my parents started taking me to the swimming pool 2 to 3 days a week consistently. 

After an hour or two of swimming weekly, I gradually began to have an appetite. 

Although I ate significantly more than before, I didn't gain weight because I had been swimming consistently.

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I am not sure if my body posture improved with swimming, but I had heard a lot of people around that time compliment my body figure.

But one day, when I was in my first year of high school, I moved away from my family by myself to go to school in the United States. 

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At that time, I lived with my grandmother and grandfather who lived in New York, and as time went on, I began to feel depressed and lonely which I didn't feel at first. 

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I was the eldest of three children, so I grew up in a loud and noisy atmosphere and I could feel the warmth and liveliness of people. 

But when I was suddenly alone, I couldn't adjust to the isolation and quietness. 

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When I had no friends to talk to, when I had nowhere to lean on, when I felt a dark shadow of loneliness surrounding my soul... I saw a bag of ranch Doritos that I'd never seen before my grandmother had bought. 

I put one in my mouth and thought, 'Wow, it's soooo salty!' 

When I ate the second one, I thought, 'It's got strong flavors, but it's savory.' 

Then, when I ate the third and fourth pieces, all thoughts disappeared from my head. 

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It was just me and the chips now in this place.

The crunchiness, saltiness, and savory sensation on my tongue seemed to lift the dark shadow that had engulfed me. 

With my hand moving, my mouth chewing and swallowing, there was an empty bag of Doritos in my hand.....