What my day looked like...



So did I.

My day was so intense every day.


As soon as I opened my eyes in the morning, obsession and fear appeared in my mind.


On days when I lie in bed after binge-eating until late at night, I’d think,

 'I hope I don't wake up tomorrow.'

Yes, there were times when I had these scary thoughts.

.

.

.


And when I opened my eyes the next day, all kinds of negative thoughts and emotions 

swirled around me like a storm.

'Are you an animal?'

'You are a pathetic person with no self-control...'

'I, a petty person, always give in to my instincts like a slave...'

‘If I fast for three days starting today, I can undo all those calories.’

Once again, I make a promise I cannot keep and endure another day.

.

.

.


The day after I binge-ate, while getting ready for work, I saw myself all puffed up in the mirror.

'How can I cover up the traces of my binge eating with my clothes?' I’d think.

After trying on different clothes, I put on the loosest clothes and leave the house.

.

.

.


On the way to work, the only thoughts in my head are about ‘weight loss’.

Then, when I see skinny women passing by, I’d think, 'How do they maintain that body shape?'

‘Everyone looks so thin’… ‘I bet they don’t have to work hard to lose weight like me’… I wish I could be like them...

Thinking this, I look at myself again with pitiful eyes.




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